Joke Joke Joke

klasmeyt 1: meg fiesta bwas sa inyo kuno? kadto kami to ha?

klasmeyt 2: oki ah wala problima, hindi nyo lang pagkalimtan ang pack lunch nyo.

George g*go: knock knock

George Mamon: who's there?

George g*go: knock yourself

Hinahanap ng NPA sina Pres. Ramos, Arroyo and Erap…..
nagtago sila sa bodega ng mga kamote at nagtago sa sako……..

NPA: san na kaya sila?? (napansin ang 3 sako) hmmmm baka nagtatago lng ung mga un d2……
(sinipa ung unang sako)

Ramos: Meow……Meow……

NPA: puutah….pusa lng pala……eh e2 kaya…
(sinipa ang sumunod na sako)

Arroyo: Arf…..arf…..arf…..

NPA: puutah..aso lng pala….eh e2 kaya….
(sinipa ang pangatlong sako)

Erap: ……………

(sinipa ulit ung pangatlong sako)

Erap: …………………..

(pinagtatadyakan nah ung pangatlong sako sa sobrang inis ng NPA)

Erap: tangina mo!!! kamote aq…..wala akong sounds….

1. migo ko bakal cheesebuger. pag daho ya sang cheeseburger my kulang..hambal ya sa waitress..."wala mani day Patty? (wala karne kay be sang bayi cheese burger mo. cheese lng) Nagtalikod ang waitress kag nagpamangkot sa upod ya.."day may karne pani nga ibutang sa cheeseburger?"

2. migo ko praktis motor sa ledesco....

ako: "anu nga motor pre usar mo?"
migo ko: "ang gamay na bla nga motor ang uso subong. SCROOTER bla!"

3. sya man dyapon..

namahaw sa kunu sa dunkin donuts. anu kunu gin ka-on ya?? MASHKINS a. ang gagmay na donut.

4. amon timbang...

"To' din na ang dragon large aw?" (dragon lodge)

antes sng Pacquiao - Morales fight, halos tnan kmi pabor kay Morales..te, na mankot isa ko ka klasmeyt.


Klasmeyt: meg, ano gd mn bi advantage ni morales kay pacman aw?

Ako: aah..ang "reach" ya meg eh

Klasmeyt: (nanumdum gd...) ngaa si pacquiao indi "rich" aw?

..tulukay lng kmi tnan kg nag kadlaw

sang galakat lakat ko pasulod sa villa matildepakadto apartment ko.. (true to life)

duwa ka bata...

una nga bata - buksan ta nalang bala.. (isog2)

ikaduwa nga bata - g*go indi! bal an mu nagid may naka drawing hu..(nakulbaan)

[may IDO bag- o bata. nagapangagat]

una nga bata - (kinagis ang ulo sang ikaduwa nga bata) abno! ulo malang na nakadrawing wala man na tiil.

(pinsar ko) mayu gid nga bata..

Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?

Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin,
chicharon, mani.

Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka-- Boy Bawang.

kay lapit na lang JS teh gapamangkot na ang maistra namun kun sino ang hindi ka tultul sang hotel del rio. kag nakibot man ang tanan kay may nag bayaw.

migo 1: hindi ka pa katul tul sang del rio?

migo2: hindi.

pag katapos gin sugid namun ang direction.

tapos namun isugid kun din ang deriction with feelings kag malaba laba pa.

migo1: teh tultulan mo na?

migo2: hindi man gyapun. ma taxi na lang ko.

syet hou gale nga a gin sugid ko pa nga pwede man gale ka sakay taxi.

wala lang kay daw na into chura namon antis namon isugid ang direction kag hambalan lang kami nga cge na lang ma taxi na lang ko. amp!

Bata: Blay!!! Blay!!!
Lalaki: Ano?!?
Bata: Bakal ko bagumgam!
Lalaki: La di bubblegum to!

Next day…

Bata: Blay!!! Blay!!!
Lalaki: Ano naman?!?
Bata: Bakal ko bagumgam!
Lalaki: La di gni bubblegum!

Next day…

Bata: Blay!!! Blay!!!
Lalaki: Ikaw naman?!?
Bata: Bakal ko bagumgam!
Lalaki: La di gni bubblegum! Tirohon ta ka krn!

Next day…

Bata: Blay!!! Blay!!!
Lalaki: Ano naman?!?
Bata: May putil tamo?!
Lalaki: Wla!!!
Bata: Aw ah! Ti bakal ko bagumgam!

Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko!

Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open-minded.

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8

sa isa ka music room gulpi lang may nag ulhut nga tawo gakaput botelya sang alcohol kag gina du-ot nya sa iya ilong.

bobo1: mas hamut gyapun ang baho sang gasolina
spectator: g*go. adik.
bobo2: gane. poh mas hamot pa gid ang iya ka trisikol.

wala ko kabalo kun ano ang hamot ka trisikol. siguro ang ginabuga sang tambutso namin nya.

i mishoo..


i mishoo!


i mishoo!



i mishoo!



i mishoo! i mishoo! i mishoo! i mishoo! i mishoo! i mishoo!
















- ngo-ngo, nakakita ng piso..

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, “If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”

So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. “What’s wrong?’ ” he asks.

“You gave me the wrong key!”

how was your day?

oh its pretty fine.

what? fine lang?

teh ano beh?

huwalah ah.

eh di fine.

fine man eh.



(indi ko magets..bwahaha )

Patient: Ei, pa islan ko na lang ngipon ko sng iya sang kanding.

Dentist: Ngaw??

Patient: Kay mahal na gid bugas, mangharab na lng ko hilamon.

--------------------------

Eksena sa Jeepney: (Student ga lukit sang iya ilong)

Pasahero nga tigulang: Day, ano na kwa mo?

Student: Engineering lo...

Pasahero nga tigulang: Aw ah. Abi ko pong-it...

Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove up and said, "Sorry, Son, but I have some bad news, The horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened With that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a Piece and made a net profit of $898.00."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government.

^^hehehe.

Duwa ka bungol:

Bungol 1: Meg, di ka makad2?

Bungol 2: Mamunit ah.

Bungol 1: Ma ano ka to?

Bungol 2: Sa Jaro ah.

Bungol 1: Manunit ka to?

Bungol 2: Indi ah! Mamunit ko to ya!

Bungol 1: Aw ah. Abi ko mamunit ka.

A new army captain inspected the soldiers in their barracks. He noticed a female horse.

Capt: What's that horse for?

Sgt: Our men use her if they feel an urge to have sex.

Capt: Ah, it's ok


One night the captain felt an urge so the sergeant brought the horse to his tent. The captain f*cked the horse. After that he saw the sergeant smiling outside his tent.

Capt: Men, it's hard! How do you do it?

Sgt: We ride on the horse to the next town where the girls are.

Capt: amf!

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

i dont speak French..









but i know how to speak that way

-------------------------------

paano kung tamad na akong tamarin?




eh di ang sipag ku nun?

ayoko nun...












nakakatamad!

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NEWS UPDATE:
DepEd & CHED declared no classes on Wednesday-Friday, February 25-27, 2009.

Keep updated and log on to..






http://tngnamongtamadka.com.ph/asakalol

[Yeh.]

True to life:

Eksena sa after shift shotting session sa Lumpia-an.

Cris: Hubog ka na ya nang, tipsy ka na oh.

Nang Lala: Di ah... Indi pa ko hubog kay wala pa ko naga english mag hambal. Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.

*yeah!

=========================

Pasulod sa opisina, indi pwede ka dala cellphone sa operations area. Gin tago ko sa akon jacket. Nahikapan sang guard pag frisking:

Guard: Ano na to?

Ako: Suludlan sang mga bulong ko nong.

Guard: Bata ka pa, damo ka na bulong?

Ako: Di man ah, mga vitamins ah. Pampadamo energy bala aw...

Guard: blah blah blah blah

Ako: blah blah blah blah

Guard: blah blah blah blah

Ako: blah blah blah blah

Guard: blah blah blah blah

Ako: blah blah blah blah

* na late ko... kay ang g*go nga guard damo mangkot, kag ang g*go nga ako, sagi man sabat.

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE RAISE

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

Err.. Why did the chicken crossed the street?

uhh.. I don't know ..to play mafia wars??