Joke Joke Joke

buang1: meg ako kuno ang nagdaog sa presidency election sa amirika..
buang2: baw!! 2od na mig? cnu naghambl cmu cna?
buang1: ang ginoo.


buang 3: (nabati an) "sang san o ta ka gnhambl noy?"

sang una:

*mga bayi nga mistisa!

subong:

*basta ga raya ok na!

sang una:

*amoy melon!

subong:

*amoy habon!

sang una:

*laki ga gasto!

subong:

*bayi na pati pa plete!

Q: why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: because they taste funny.

Q: what did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
A: "dam!"

Q: what is a zebra?
A: 25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

si juan nag sulod sa restaurant.. sang nag labay xa sa kusina nakita ya ang mga ga luto nga gina patapan ang burger patty sa ilok!

dasig2 ya tawag ang manager:

juan: watdapak! anu ni man?! nga a gina patapan ang patty sa ilok aw?!
ka GROSS na mu! SO GROSS GID YA! !@#$

manager: sir, kulang pa na.. lantawa lang kung panu gina buhu-an ang
amun nga donut!

"handa akong ibigay ang init ng katawan na hinahanap mo at sisiguraduhin ko na hindi ka makakatulog"

- malandi nga kape

nanay: anak...timplahan mo nga ako ng kape..

bata: barako ba ma??? (BARAC OBAMA!!)

-------------------------------------------------------------

erap: hoy! ngaa wala ka namunyag!!!

hardinero: teh mr. president naga ulan...

erap: teh pamayong ka eh...

-------------------------------------------------------------

migo 1: mig kita mo na ang pulis car hu...mag siga gani ang pula sa babaw hambalon mo ko ha?!
migo 2: no problem

pagsiga sang suga:

migo 2: ara...wala...ara...wala...ara...wala...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ano ba naman kayo...galing rin ako sa inyong katawan, pagkatapos nyo akong bilugin tatapon nyo lang ako... - pung it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

guy: idelete ta na lang ka sa Friendster list nakon..

girl: nga man?

guy: teh kay di ko gusto nga asta friends lang ta.


aw!! bwahahah xD

********************************************

(use hand signals &facial expressions. silent mode ni xa gle.hehe)

am watchin you

am watchin you

.
.
.

call me.

aw!! bwahaha xD


***********************************************

Q: anu tawag muh sa tawo na la migo tas galagaw?

A: SINGLE ON TOUR.

aw. hhihihih xD

ayon kay AIAI

kung kaya nang iba...

ipagawa mo sa kanila!!!...


ang batang masipag..

pagod paglaki...

UNGA:

nay,. toud bala ang first love never dies?..

ILOY:

ano pa!.. lantaw bala ang imo amay, first love ko na siya...

asta subog buhi pa ang dip*ta nya!..


:twisted:

bata : nay kung wala ka dlungan ma aritos ka pa?

nanay : di na eh! baw!

bata: ti kung wala ka bi tudlo ma sinsing ka?

nanay: ay nanu! xmpre nd gid eh!

bata: ti nga a ga bra ka pa aw?

nanay: lintek! 2nga nalang balon mo!

^^^ nyAahaha..., kawais nga bata!

Juan: kaina sa bus bla may gtindog nga tigulang.nkala-inan ko gni mg 2lok.

Pedro: aah, te gn pa pungko mo eh no??

Juan: ah wla ah..nag piyong na lng ko

>.<

alak





to muv it, muv it.



alak to muv it, muv it!!
alak to muv it, muv it!!
alak to muv it!

-ost madagascar escape to africa

---------------------------------------------------------------

Pacquiao: honey, buksan mo na yung sweets

Jinky : lambing mo talaga. mwah !! nasan ang sweets honey?

Pacquiao: yung sweets ng ilaw. di ako makakita… ang dilim!!

========================================

Erap: Isasauli ko tong nabili kong VHS tape.
Clerk: Anong problema?
Erap: Walang picture tsaka sound. Sayang, suspense thriller pa yata.
Clerk: Anong title?
Erap: Head Cleaner.


Driver to Erap: Boss, pakitingnan nga yung signal lights kung gumagana?
Erap: Oo gumagana. Teka, sira. O gumana na naman.


Si Erap, nataihan ng ibon.
Maid: Sir, eto po ang tissue.
Erap: Pano mo pa pupunasan ang pohwet non e nakalipad na.


Mr. President, bakit po ba paika-ika kayong maglakad?
Erap: I have high cholesterol. Sabi ng doktor, iwasan ko daw yung itlog.


Reporter: Sir, do you have any plans for the homeless?
Erap: Of course, but the problem is, it is very hard to find them, they have no address.


Cabinet Member: Mr. President our population growth rate is alarming!
There is 1 woman giving birth every minute.
ERAP: We have to stop this, look for that woman!


Ramos: Erap may pasalubong akong 10 feet snake sa ** galing ng Australia.
Erap: owwsss? pinagloloko mo ako eh..wala naman feet ang snake eh.

NOEL : mag bata ko LEON i pangalan ko sa bata ko ah! para cool! baliskad dan sang ngalan ko!

NINO : akon ONIN ah! hahaha! mas cool! baliskad man daun sang ngalan ko!

TOTO : di manami na s2ryahon nyu! change topic pls!

anak: tay, ngaa rio ngalan ni manong haw?

tatay: kay sa hotel del rio sya gin himo....

anak: ah.... te ngaa sarta naman si manang?

tatay: kay sa sarabia naman sya ya gin himo...

anak: ah... te ngaa...

tatay(rudely interrupting): hipos na sofia ah! kadamo sa imo pamangkot!

at the pool

may agi nga ga langoy sa pe klas nila.... pag butwa ya may nakita xa condom!

GAY: hoy! mga g*ga! sin o sa inyu nag otot?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sa tindahan

GAY: nang! ma bakal ko bi longanisa!

TINDERA: ok ah! anu gus2 mo day? chop-chopon?

GAY: pak u! anu matyag mo sa buli ko alkansiya?!

convo w/ my dad earlier this morning

sai: diin tiro nyo bwas?

tatay: lapaz

sai: diin sa lapaz?

tatay: sa ticud

sai: diin ang ticud?

tatay: sa lapaz.

sai:

3 ka mango nga bayi kag isa ka lalaki...

boy: uy!!! teh ano suksukon mo sa boracay???

girl: topless ah...para sexy

boy: teh ikaw ya girl 2?...

girl 2: (nanumdum kag la na guid mapinsaran)...hmmm....bootomless ah...para sexy

boy: teh ikaw ya girl3??..

girl3: wala...burlesk..

convo w/ my dad part 2

sai: diin ayun ang ticud?

tatay: sa lapaz gane

sai: argh! diin ang ticud?

tatay: sa likod

sai: sa likod sng?

tatay: sa likod sng lapaz

sai: ugh! diin ayun ang ticud? ano ang landmarks?

tatay: well, if you talk about landmarks, damu to marks.

some stuffs i remember in my high school days

Sir T: We're going to have our first friday mass.
DNM: san o sir ang first friday mass? sa monday?

MJE: perfect ko na tne, gleng may sala ko.

multo: awooo...awoooo

bata: wag po, wag po, natatakot po ako



multo: kei, sorry


_______________________________________________________



farmer: dok, ako c juan, yung pinagamit mo ng condom 2 yrs ago

dok: oh baket? anong kailangan mo??

farmer: pwede na bang alisin??


_______________________________________________________



isa ka adlaw c g*go kag si mango nagpa alam-alam

g*go: ngo, ngo, kung alam ka 2+9 b?

mango: 9 eh..

g*go: 9 kuno..waaa palagpat!

mango: te pila b?

g*go: pati ah, 9 gd mn

ACTUAL COURT QUOTES


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son -- the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Girl 1: what do you call a boy ladybug?

Girl 2: confused.