Joke Joke Joke

^^wahhahahhahahah!!! na adik?!?!

knock knock

who's there?

lasengga..

lasengga who??


..all lasengga ladies, all lasengga ladies
all lasengga ladies, all lasengga ladies..

woh-o-oh..

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."

its funny now since im not yet married...

saiasive wrote:

^^wahhahahhahahah!!! na adik?!?!

LABAN!!.. imagina.. bugtaw ko gina.. aga.. 5 am.. check ko email.. samtang ga mafia wars..lintekkk!

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other.

One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old--who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.

As these four strangers travelled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.

In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts.

The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?"

The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"

The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.

And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!"

hahaha!! the best!

Question: Ano ang mutation?

Answer: State of being mute!

[nyek! corneex!]

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

5. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

6. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

9. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.

As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her
on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.

This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.

He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.

Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

Ari joke..

an old video by simply red.. sang mayo pa sa..hehehe

holding back the years



ang comment:

"When I first heard this song, I thought he was saying "Holding back the ears". I thought it was a song about a haircut. " <---- wahahahahaha

There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde and two brunets. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies, "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding".

The officer goes and kicks the one with the brunette in it and she yells, "MEEEYYOWW!" the officer said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there."

So he kicks the one with the other brunet in it and she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!"

Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells, "POTATOES!"

hmmmmmmmmm.. like nakita ko na ni nga joke aw?. (erap joke)





Hinahanap ng NPA sina Pres. Ramos, Arroyo and Erap.....
nagtago sila sa bodega ng mga kamote at nagtago sa sako........


NPA: san na kaya sila?? (napansin ang 3 sako) hmmmm baka nagtatago lng ung mga un d2......
(sinipa ung unang sako)

Ramos: Meow......Meow......

NPA: puutah....pusa lng pala......eh e2 kaya...
(sinipa ang sumunod na sako)

Arroyo: Arf.....arf.....arf.....

NPA: puutah..aso lng pala....eh e2 kaya....
(sinipa ang pangatlong sako)

Erap: ...............

(sinipa ulit ung pangatlong sako)

Erap: .......................

(pinagtatadyakan nah ung pangatlong sako sa sobrang inis ng NPA)

Erap: tangina mo!!! kamote aq.....wala akong sounds....

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

one day may isa ka girl nga naka white uniform, galakat kag gapamung-it.....
gintawag siya sang tigulang......

tigulang: day! anu gina kwa mo??

girl: NURSING la ah.....nga a man???

tigulang: awww....ah... abi ko pung-it mo!!!

There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from an airplane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."

After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

Problem solved.

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."

"I got it from my genie." "You have a genie?" he asked. "Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks.

Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!" He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

gurl: i dont deserve everything..i deserve nothing..

guy: ah..but i am nothing.. teh pwde nakoh? hehe


banat pada ah..haha

^^^ korny,

hahahaha

^^^OT. kindly stick sa thread. sus. diin natoh ang forum police man? bwahahaa

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too!
Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

HA HA HA kadlaw nyu abi hipos kmo da d kaladlawan HA HA HA

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.” If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.

“What did the doctor say?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

^^abno nga asawa ay... hehehe

DONYA: Bilang bag-0 nga kabulig, tandaan mo nga ang pamahaw diri ala sais impunto gid!

KABULIG: Wala problema señora! Kun tulog pa ako, una lng kamo, binli nyo lang ko.

-----------------------

ambot kun na post ko na ni di... ehehe.. nami-an lng ko...

Sa Simbahan...

LALAKI: Father, patawara ako! Grabe sala ko!

FATHER: Anak, bisan ano nga sala, patawaron ka sang Diyos. Ano imo gin ubra haw?

LALAKI: Damo2 na ko gin patay.

FATHER: Kag nga-a gin patay mo sila?

LALAKI: Kay ga pati sila sa diyos. Ikaw Father, ga pati ka man sa diyos?

FATHER: Ha?! Uhhhmmm.... Sang una eh! Subong ya trip2 na lng ni!

hhehee